Question: I’ve never used Viagra and don’t need to, but I realize that I have an underlying resistance to any drug used for sexual performance. What is your opinion of these kinds of drugs?
Answer: I think your apprehension to drugs is a very common feeling among Christians. If you don’t need them, praise God and don’t take any! For me, they are like any other medication you would take from a doctor.
I have talked with Christians from all over the country who think medication whether for depression, anxiety or headaches are all of the devil and a “real” Christian wouldn’t take them. For me, the answer is simple and it points to the characters of God and the devil.
We know the devil comes to destroy, kill and steal, right? We also know that God has come to give us abundant life. So I ask you, who would produce this medicine? Would the devil, who hates you and desires for you to feel every headache, depression, anxiety and erectile issue, want you healthy, happy and to have a great love life? I truly doubt that he would want to alleviate any of your pain in life.
Would it be the nature of God to want you less depressed, anxious or have a better sex life? I think it’s in God’s nature to want you and your wife to have a great sex life and to be free of pain.
So my opinion is to see a doctor. If he thinks you need to try erectile medication, do your research on the side effects and then see what happens. I think a happier wife is probably God’s idea.
Question: When I was a teenager, the worst form of pornography I ever saw was a posed Playboy model. Nowadays, it seems that the vile forms of hard-core pornography are easily accessible. How do these images impact a young person, and how should we help a teen that has been affected?
Answer: It’s true the worst forms of pornography are now easily available to our youth. It’s also true that the earlier a young boy sees degrading sexual behaviors, the more harmful. Harmful because these will be the images that burn into his brain. He will masturbate to create a sexual desire for these images.
That is why as a parent it is critical to have porn blockers on your computer at home. Otherwise you are inviting the devil to damage your sons and daughters with these images. So please at least block porn at home. Most Christians have open access to the Internet at home and this is insane to me.
Secondly, you can teach your son about the rubber-band technique to stop reinforcing those images as they pop into his head. He simply wears a rubber band on his wrist and snaps it when an intrusive thought hits his brain.
Thirdly, start talking to your son about his sexuality on a regular basis. I strongly recommend my video Shepherding Your Sons Sexually. The enemy has stepped up the attack on our sons’ sexuality, so it’s time for us to step up the honesty and accountability in their lives. This area of shepherding your son sexually is not one you can retreat from. As his dad, you must attack the threat of porn with honest communication and accountability.
Question: Is it true that prolonged sex (like for an hour) has health benefits or is that a myth?
Answer: It sounds like you might be reading Maxim, not New Man for sexual theories. It’s true; any aerobic activity done for an extensive period of time can have health benefits. But this could be a really hard sell for your wife.
The way it would sound to her is, “Hey honey, let me use your body for an hour because I am too lazy to go to the gym.” Sex isn’t about calorie burning or building great abs. If that’s what you want, eat less and exercise regularly.
If your wife wants sex for an hour, fine. But most women—after a day at the office, time taking care of the children, homework, cooking and cleaning—are not really that interested in marathon sex so that you can get your heart rate up. To them, it might seem a little selfish.
Now if you take your wife to some secluded, tropical island with no children, cell phones, laptop or any responsibilities, and it’s about making her happy, you might have a better chance at your one-hour goal.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and author of The 7 Love Agreements, which explains the power of unity in marriage and outlines seven “love agreements” that will revitalize relationships (available at strangdirect.com). Contact him at drdougweiss.com, or 5080 Mark Dabling Blvd., Colorado Springs, CO 80918, or [email protected].
