Shortly after moving my infant daughter and me to Orlando from our home in Atlanta, my husband informed me that he did not want to be married to me anymore. I did not want my marriage to be over. Our breakup seemed like the end of the world to me.
One night as I drove home from work, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I looked at the dark, rain-slick roads in front of me and thought, If I just quickly jerk the steering wheel to one side right now, it will all be over.
I wanted to throw my car into oncoming traffic or into a ditch. I didn’t want to live anymore.
At that moment, the song “Surround Me,” sung by my pastor, Clint Brown, began playing on the cassette player in my car. Immediately it spoke to my spirit, and I began singing aloud as the presence of God filled the car.
The song saved my life. In the Lord’s presence, I could say, “God, I need You to bring me back to the reality of the fact that You are in control of my life and that You really do have a purpose for me.”
When I finally surrendered and gave everything to Him, He gave me a purpose for living again. My marriage was over, but God still had a plan.
In the days that followed, the Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 7:15: “If the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace” (NKJV).
When I read that, God let me know that I could move on to fulfill the purpose and destiny for which He created me. He told me that I was more than an unwanted wife or a mom trying to make ends meet.
Even though the Lord reassured me, I still battled low self-esteem issues. I always thought I wasn’t pretty enough, good enough or important enough.
I knew I had to fight through those feelings and redirect my energies. I went back to school to work toward a master’s degree in music, and I decided to whole-heartedly begin supporting the vision of my church.
Then God reminded me of the vision He’d given me to lead worship. I hadn’t been making any strides toward it, so the vision had faded from my mind.
As I began walking out that part of my journey, the Lord brought my husband, Phil, into my life. After we were married, I began seeing the hand of God and His promises manifested in my life.
A year after my wedding, I became the assistant music director at my church. Later, I was made praise and worship leader, and within a short time, I was ordained as worship pastor.
Now I can tell others that everything you walk through is for a reason. God has a purpose for everything that happens to us.
I thought I would lose my life when my first husband left me. But God gave me the one He ordained for me, who loves me and helps me fulfill my purpose in Christ.
After all that’s happened in my life, I am finally free to do what God has called me to do. I’m free from negative thinking and low self-esteem.
I want other women to know that where you are now is not where you will always be. If I had followed through on the plan to kill myself that night on the road, I never would have fulfilled the wonderful destiny God had for me.
