4. Set boundaries. Refuse to be muzzled verbally. Your husband needs your complete honesty so that he can feel the full extent of the damage he is causing.
Insist that he bring his “church image” in line with the truth—that his sin is damaging his ministry in the spiritual realm. If he is on the church board, then he must step down. If he is on the worship team or missions board, then he must step down.
Clearly define what trustworthy means to you. If you need him to read a book and he won’t, that will set back your trust.
If you need him to find an accountability partner and he doesn’t, that will set back your trust, too. If you need him to go to a counselor with you and he won’t, ramifications follow.
Explain to him that his patience with your healing process is a sign of a deep, genuine repentance in him and clear recognition that he understands what he has done to your relationship. That will grow trust every time.
Although God loves mercy, He never taught that we are to turn our cheek to any and every behavior in marriage. As a wife making your difficult decision on whether to stay or go, you must base all your decisions up His full Word.
Only then will your faith stand through to the end, no matter what your husband does, and only then will you feel free to take any appropriate actions.
Brenda Stoeker is a registered nurse and co-author, along with her husband, Fred, Stephen Arterburn and Mike Yorkey of Every Heart Restored. Fred Stoeker assisted in the writing of this article.
