When my daughter’s twins were born, she abandoned them because of her drug use. I had just finished my graduate studies and was looking forward to a new career, when my husband and I took custody of the children.
For four years, I carried unforgiveness in my heart toward my daughter. Later this turned to bitterness I could not wish or think away. Neither could I pretend that it wasn’t there.
I wanted to be free. I prayed, but things only got worse. I was angry toward myself and toward other people. Although I attended church and read Christian books, nothing penetrated my heart or gave me relief. The hurt and pain were like nothing I’d ever experienced.
Everything in my life began to fall apart. I lost my job, my health was declining, and my relationship with my family was on edge. At first I did not understand why. But I was so hungry for true fellowship with God, that I started earnestly seeking after Him. One day I humbled myself and poured out everything to the Lord. I admitted my weaknesses and my faults, and I held nothing back. I shared with Him all the pain, disappointments and failures of my life.
The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had opened the door for bitterness to come into my life when I harbored unforgiveness in my heart. He directed me to the stories of several individuals in the Bible whose lives were made miserable or even destroyed because they would not forgive.
Reading their stories was the beginning of the healing process for me. The more I studied the Word, the more the Spirit showed me about myself.
If the Holy Spirit had not led me, I would not have made it through. It took a lot of studying and standing on God’s Word for me to be free, but now I am able to walk in love and forgiveness toward all those who hurt me.
I am free of torment. I no longer feel the heavens are shut. Of all the blessings I’ve received, that is the greatest one—being able to talk to God and hear Him talk to me.
