Pre-Courtship Stage
A person should not even begin to look for a mate unless they are adequately prepared for the responsibilities of marriage and family, and are themselves emotionally healthy and spiritually mature. When two emotionally needy people get together in marriage, it is usually a disaster.
Go on group dates to get to know the other person or work with them in some meaningful innocuous way. This will enable the development of a deep friendship to help discern the will of God before beginning the process of committing to each other more formally.
Both parties should back off, receive counsel, and pray to hear from God with other mature leaders and/or parents before allowing their hearts to be pulled towards each other romantically. Part of discerning the will of God is judging whether or not the other person meets the biblical criteria and qualifications of being a good mate, being able to raise children and being a family leader.
Attraction should never be only physical. Based on 1 Thessalonians 5:23, we should be attracted to another person in three areas: physically, emotionally and intellectually, and spiritually (this includes personality). That is to say, a person needs to meet the criteria in each of these three areas. For example, it is a huge mistake to marry a person because they are strong spiritually when not attracted to them physically. Or, it is a mistake to marry a person for their personality when their spiritual life is a mess.
Courtship Stage
Two people who have confirmed it is the will of God for them to be together should begin a process of spending time together. They should make a covenant together before God involving strict guidelines for not having physical contact or being alone where they can fall into sexual sin, and walking in the light and having open communication with one another.
This process should involve marital counseling conducted by older, successful married couples with spiritual depth and experience in raising strong families.
At some point, the man should formerly ask the woman’s father, parent, or relevant guardian for permission to marry the woman before he officially proposes to her.
Both families should get to know each other since marriage also unites two families, not just two people.
Money should be set aside during the engagement, and jobs and education should be already secured. This is so the focus of the first few years of marriage is on building the relationship rather than on the distractions that come from financial stress, education and other things that can destroy a relationship (although many make a good case for people getting married young so they can mature emotionally together).
Going into debt and spending a lot of money on the wedding ceremony is not advised. Money should be channeled for life together more than on the one-time wedding ceremony. If you don’t have the money, be simple and modest with excellence on your wedding day. Don’t overdo it and go into huge debt. Invest in your marriage, not in your wedding day.
