What does it look like to lead your family well?
In a powerful message addressing distorted teachings on marriage and headship, Mark Driscoll challenged traditional interpretations that equate spiritual leadership with control. “Sound doctrine is not being able to outargue other people,” he began. “Sound doctrine is manifesting the character of Christ in the fruit of the Spirit.”
A question posed to Driscoll asked was, “What does it look like for a husband to lead his household?”
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“There’s this weird hardcore subculture around marriage and family that is imbalanced,” he warned. “It dials up certain verses. It dials down other verses. It leads to certain guys who are high control… weaponizing the Bible and misquoting the Scriptures to be heavy-handed, domineering and overbearing.”
The concern became especially serious when Driscoll explained, “In that really extreme subculture, they do have something that they would refer to as spousal discipline… when the wife disobeys, she also receives corporeal punishment.” He condemned such views outright: “She’s an adult and an image bearer of God and the mother and an equal and a co-heir with Christ.”
Turning to Scripture, Driscoll emphasized, “When the Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife, it also says as Christ is the head of the church. Jesus doesn’t pour out wrath on the church… He actually endures all the wrath so that He can bless His bride.”
In theological terms, he explained, “The whole doctrine of propitiation in the New Testament is: God doesn’t have wrath for us if we’re in covenant relationship with Him. He has only love and grace and blessing for us. So if you’re in relationship with your wife and your kids, you’re not allowed to have any wrath toward your wife or kids. Jesus took all the wrath.”
The discussion shifted to the concept of leadership through drawing instead of driving. “That’s what the Lord does. He draws us to Himself. He invites, He blesses us so that we are drawn to relationship.” In contrast, “Driving is performance-based… you feel like you can’t ever measure up.”
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Driscoll painted a picture of Jesus as both lion and lamb: “If you are a man who’s a lion, when you read the Bible, all the lion verses are going to stand out. If you’re a lamb, all the lamb verses are going to stand out.” The model? “You be a lion for your family… you be a lamb with them.”
True leadership in the home reflects the heart of Christ—marked not by control or wrath, but by humility, love and selfless service. As Father’s Day reminds us, the strength of a father lies not in dominance but in sacrificial love that leads with both lion-like courage and lamb-like tenderness. This balance honors God’s design and brings lasting blessing to the household.
Abby Trivett is content development editor for Charisma Media.
