Your words can either breathe life into your marriage or quietly destroy it. In the video, “7 Things You Should Never Tell Your Spouse,” Vlad Savchuk offers scriptural wisdom and practical advice to help couples transform their communication. With divorce rates high and emotional disconnection common, understanding the weight of our words has never been more important.
Here’s a breakdown of Savchuk’s seven statements you should absolutely never say to your spouse, along with five you should say every single day.
1. “You always” or “You never”
When spouses speak generalizations like these, they can often spark defensiveness and resentment.
“These are absolute statements,” Savchuk says. “They trigger defensiveness and resentment… Nobody is always or never, except God.”
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2. “I wish you were more like”
Savchuk shares how comparing your spouse to someone else—whether a friend, parent or celebrity—can quietly erode your partner’s self-worth.
“When you compare your spouse to someone else, you’re communicating dissatisfaction,” says Savchuk. “It breeds insecurity.”
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3. “I don’t care”
As Savchuk points out, indifference is one of the fastest ways to shut down emotional connection.
“When you say ‘I don’t care,’ you’re implying that your spouse’s feelings…don’t matter,” he warns.
4. “Maybe we should just get a divorce.”
Even if said in anger or frustration, there can be long-term emotional consequences when using divorce as a weapon.
“Divorce threats plant seeds of insecurity and fear,” Savchuk says.
5. “You’re just like your mother/father.”
Criticizing your spouse by connecting their flaws and mistakes to a parent can be an extremely personal attack.
“Even if there’s some truth in that, saying this damages trust and deeply hurts your spouse,” he explains.
6. “It’s all your fault.”
Blame divides you and your spouse from one another.
“Blaming your spouse for every problem creates only bitterness and distance,” Savchuk says.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
This phrase invalidates your spouse’s emotions, no matter how trivial the issue may seem to you.
“When you throw this phrase…you’re invalidating your spouse’s feelings,” Savchuk explains.
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Instead of making statements that will tear apart your marriage, Savchuk offers 5 additional statements you can say that will bring you and your spouse closer together.
- “I’m sorry.”
- “I love you.”
- “How was your day?”
- “Thank you.”
- “I am here for you.”
In a world where careless words can easily destroy relationships, choosing life-giving speech is both a spiritual discipline and an act of love. Replace blame with support, indifference with empathy and criticism with appreciation. These small shifts will transform your marriage.
Abby Trivett is content development editor for Charisma Media.
