A writer who focuses on marriage has plenty to say about how pornography affects relationships in a new blog post titled, “Nine Reasons Men Should Stay Away From Porn” on xxxchurch.com.
“Pornography has little to do with sex and everything to do with fantasy,” writes Tyler Ward, a happily married man and father of two. “And if not confronted, this addiction to fantasy can become a consuming fire threatening all quality of life.”
The author—who recently released the book, Marriage Rebranded: Modern Misconceptions & the Unnatural Art of Loving Another Person—argues that porn is not manly, even though conquering a woman on-screen may make men feel that way in their minds.
“Real sex involves you,” Ward points out. “All of your fears. All of your insecurities. All of your capacity to give. It also involves another very real person. All her needs. All of her baggage. All of her propensity to judge you and hurt your dignity.”
He continues: “Porn requires no work, no sacrifice and no maturity. Real sex in marriage requires you to risk, to be vulnerable, to give yourself fully to another person. This kind of intimacy is not for boys. It’s for men only.”
Ward lists eight other reasons to stay away from porn, including that it “makes you unhappy and bored.”
He quotes Pornified author Pamela Paul, who says, “Pornography leaves men desensitized to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life … Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of super-sized expectations and numbed emotions … and become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring.”
Ward also says porn has a neutering effect, doesn’t make friends, is a professional liability, hurts your significant other, and will turn you into “that guy.”
“You know ‘that guy,'” he explains. “Most crowds have at least one. He’s the one who cares about no one but himself. He sees you and all others as commodities to be used, not people to be cared for. No matter how much you can’t stand ‘that guy,’ as long as you continue to dabble in porn, you run the risk of becoming him.”
His last two points argue that porn “will never actually do it for you,” and that it will kill your relationship.
“In the eight reasons above,” Ward concludes, “we’ve looked to science, social studies and history to witness the effects that pornography has on those who entertain it. We’ve seen that it kills everything long-term love is built on: human connection, trust and self-sacrifice. It’s no wonder, then, that at least 56 percent of divorce cases today involve one party who compulsively visits pornographic websites.
“Your marriage may survive your habit for a period of time. However, if you continue to choose fantasy over reality, it will inevitably destroy your ability to love your wife.”
