Practical and Biblical Understanding of Courtship
During the courtship Bible studies should be done together on the role of husbands and wives, and the purpose of children (Gen. 1:28). The book of Proverbs should be studied frequently together for practical wisdom and prudence in relationships and business.
Couples should especially study biblical love as found in 1 Corinthians 13 and understand that it is the commitment that arises out of covenant that will sustain their marriage—not merely the feeling of love. For example, someone may wake up without those strong feeling of romance and be deceived into thinking they are no longer “in love” with their mate. This gives an excuse to begin another search for their true “soul mate” to experience romance again! All couples must understand the difference between romantic feelings/the world’s definition of love and the biblical definition of love, which is based on action, commitment and sacrifice.
During courtship, much prayer should be offered for wisdom, favor and understanding.
Mentor couples should be secured both during the courtship stage and after the marriage takes place. Mentor couples are experienced married couples who take younger couples under their wings, coaching them through personal issues that will eventually come up.
The courtship should last as long as necessary to work out all the kinks in the relationship. No date for the wedding should be set until numerous marital empowerment sessions and counseling sessions are conducted (we do eight sessions in our church called Marriage Builders), and a test from Marriage Savers is taken (marriagesavers.org). This will further ensure the will of God is known and there is compatibility between the two people. Of engaged couples that take the Marriage Savers test, 25 percent break up. They realize they don’t have enough compatibility to make a marriage work.
No doubt, some reading this will scoff at my old-fashioned approach. But after 30-plus years of marriage, and having five biological children and hundreds of spiritual children over the past 34 years of full-time church ministry, these principles come out of watching many relationships succeed and many fall apart. {eoa}
Joseph Mattera is overseeing bishop of Resurrection Church and Christ Covenant Coalition, in Brooklyn, New York, and author of numerous books, including Ruling in the Gates: Preparing the Church to Transform Cities. Follow him on Facebook or visit him online at josephmattera.org.
