Every week I get emails and notes from parents who discover their daughters are pregnant. It’s a shock to say the least, especially for parents who raised their children in Christian homes and taught them God’s good plans for marriage and children.
The parents who are most distraught are those whose daughters seemed to know better, but then strayed. After choosing to have sex outside of marriage, the daughter then claims that there is no problem with the choices she made. It’s enough to break a parent’s heart!
Maybe you’re the parent, and maybe your daughter thinks her choices are her choices, and now she wants you to celebrate this new life. Take a deep breath, Mom and Dad, and remember that even more important than winning this battle is staying connected with your daughter’s heart. Here are two ways to do just that:
Offer Lots of Love and Grace
Realize that your daughter does know that what she did (having sex outside of marriage) is a sin. She knows that it’s not God’s perfect way—even when she says otherwise. I guarantee that she has her defenses up. Even if she’s trying to push your buttons, her heart knows the truth. I know. I was that young woman.
The women from my mom’s church reached out to me when I was a pregnant teen, and I was VERY defensive. They tried to talk to me, and I turned my back on them. Instead of getting caught up in the issue of whether or not having sex outside of marriage was a sin (because deep down they know), offer a lot of love and a lot of grace. Your daughter needs that most.
Some things you can say:
- All of us make mistakes, but God loves us.
- We are thankful that you are choosing life—a child is a gift.
- And if you have younger children, here are wise words too: We want to support you and our grandchild, but we also want our other children to understand that the best decision is to choose a godly spouse and wait to have children after marriage. (If she tries to argue, simply say, “When you show me in the Bible that God’s best way is to have sex—and children—outside of marriage, then we can talk.)
- Also, if you have younger children, sit down with all them and be very open and upfront about the choices your daughter made. Talk about what God’s Word says and why His way is a better way. Also, pray together for their sister and this baby.
The pregnancy and your daughter’s initial defenses will be the hardest part! Things tend to smooth out after a sweet baby joins your family. Just do what you can to offer love and grace until then.
Read Through Books Together
I also recommend two books for you to share with your pregnant daughter. Both are available on amazon.com. As a parent, you could benefit from reading these books, too … they might help you understand your daughter’s thoughts and feelings and know how to answer her better.
Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think
Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer
Everything changes the day you discover you’re going to be a mom. It’s not just yourself that you think about―you have a child to care for too. While you wouldn’t trade your child for the world, some days are just hard. Baby-daddy drama, dealing with your parents and worries about school, work and your future slam you. Your friends can’t relate to your little family, and you wonder if God has turned His back on you too.
Tricia Goyer understands. A mom at age 17, Tricia remembers what it felt like to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. She’s also been the coordinator of a teen mom support group for over 12 years, and she’s cheered on many young moms―from all walks of life―through their journey.
In Teen Mom, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves―not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.
Praying for Your Future Husband
Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer
Will it make a difference?
There’s only one way to find out…
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women’s prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.
In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.
God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.
Tricia Goyer has written more than 35 books, including both novels that delight and entertain readers and nonfiction titles that offer encouragement and hope. She has also published more than 500 articles in national publications such as Guideposts, Thriving Family, Proverbs 31 and HomeLife Magazine.
