I am a 44-year-old woman, and for the first time in my life, I feel truly loved. I am proud to say that I have a love relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! My search for love, acceptance and approval began in childhood. My parents divorced when I was young, so I didn’t have a father at home. When I looked around my community, I saw few positive male role models. As a result, I grew up with a distorted view of men.
This view only got worse when, at 17, I was raped by two men at a mall. Then, at 19, I married a man who was verbally and physically abusive. Men are not capable of loving, I decided—a deception from the enemy that led me to develop a same-sex attraction.
I stayed married for a while and even had children, but I also began “experimenting” with women. I didn’t consider myself to be gay, and I never referred to my activity as bisexual. I just thought I was “bi-curious.” I was convinced that God would overlook my occasional alternative lifestyle choice because He knew that men had hurt me.
My husband and I divorced when I was 25, and the next 18 years were filled with hurt, disappointment, loneliness and pain. I went in and out of relationships with men and occasionally with women. I was in a desperate search for someone to love me!
On February 23, 2006, my search ended. That’s when I went to my current church for the first time. During the service, my pastor said, “Some people get hurt in relationships, and they turn to same-sex relationships for love and comfort. This is not acceptable to God.” He made it clear that God loves the homosexual but hates the sin.
I was shocked. I felt as if my pastor were talking directly to me. Later he asked if he could pray for me. He placed his hands on the sides of my face, and as he prayed, I felt something being pulled from my ears. It was the beginning of my deliverance and healing.
Since that day, God has continued to renew my mind and deliver me from deceptive thinking. I am waiting for Him to totally heal me and bless me with a husband; but in the meantime, Jesus is my husband. He allows me to feel His love and presence daily. I don’t have to search anymore!
